


Liquor

by Kireii-yume (kireii_yume)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, F/F, I Don't Even Know, I don't really know what this is, sort of parks and rec au?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 03:03:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9364472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kireii_yume/pseuds/Kireii-yume
Summary: Ten members of Overwatch walk into a bar...and none are holding their liquor.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this is going to be sort of a shitpost. I saw [this post](http://overwatch-hero.tumblr.com/post/155957455765/bumbleshark-bumbleshark-im-so-happy-i) on my tumblr dash and since I am a slut for Parks and Rec and for Overwatch have this. It's sort of an Overwatch parks and rec au? I don't own Parks and Rec, and the final drunken lines from everyone are from I believe season three episode twelve, they aren't mine. The post is not mine either, I just changed up some characters because I wanted to work in pharmercy. Hope you enjoy!

A few members of the Overwatch crew decided to go out for a drink. 

That single sentence couldn’t adequately portray the nuances of the night, but everyone had initially thought it would be harmless. Lena knew a friend who was trying to start up a new mixed liquor chain, and it was debuting at a local bar. Angela had wanted to support Lena and her friend, and McCree had dragged Hanzo along. Fareeha had decided to come with because she didn’t have anything better to do, Genji couldn’t drink but liked to socialize, and Jack just wanted some alcohol. Mei also tagged along, but most of the group really didn’t notice her there, and Gabriel had said he wouldn’t be coming. So the group was relatively normal; in fact, it had a much larger ratio of relaxed, responsible people to other people than anyone usually worked with. 

The night started out just as anyone would expect—Jack was sipping on whiskey in a corner, McCree was dancing with (or rather around) Hanzo, and Lena was flitting around the bar, talking to everyone. Fareeha and Mei were talking, and Angela was hovering around, totally sober and ready to leave early. But just then, Gabriel walked in, and Angela’s face hardened. He’d promised her that he wouldn’t drink after his surgery, but as close as he and Angela were, sometimes it felt like he took her advice with a grain of salt. So as the anger and betrayal started to rise up in Angela’s chest as she watched Gabriel get a shot of Lena’s friend’s new liquor, she gritted her teeth and turned over to Lena, who was right next to her. 

“I need a drink,” Angela declared. Lena’s face lit up as she utterly failed to see the frustration in her friend’s eyes.

“Brilliant! Cheers, love!” She clinked her shot glass on Angela’s and moved through the club again, somehow managing to persuade Jack to switch to her friend’s liquor. And after that victory, she used the small high that gave her in combination with her buzz to start hitting on any girl she could find in the club. 

“Hey babe, do you believe in love at first sight, or I need to walk by again?” she asked a girl taking a shot at the bar. After a lack of response from her, Lena decided to move on. “Hello, do I know you? Because I reckon you look like my next girlfriend.”

 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the bar, Angela had approached Gabriel. “Gabe, I thought you weren’t coming!” she exclaimed. “You know I’d rather you not drink with the new surgery, I don’t know for sure what effects it has!” 

“It’s not such a big deal,” Gabriel insisted as he took his third shot of the night. 

“I wish you’d take my advice, on this at least!” 

“Well, if a doctor doesn’t know what her own surgery does, I’d say that’s her problem.” Both he and Angela turned away from each other, each downing another shot and sighing exasperatedly. 

 

Meanwhile, Hanzo took another shot as McCree continued to dance, and as McCree got more intoxicated his dancing got more scandalous, until he was essentially grinding on Hanzo. After the initial shock, Hanzo just didn’t respond, instead calling for another shot.

 

“Hey love, good thing I’m wearing my gloves, because you’re too hot to handle,” Lena said with a wink, clumsily running her fingers through the red hair of a girl sitting alone in a corner. 

“Must admit, I haven’t heard that one before,” the girl chuckled. “As long as we’re here, I think I lost my name, can I have yours?” 

 

“Listen, maybe if you hadn’t been so sweet in the first place I wouldn’t have bothered to save you!” Angela shouted, choking midway through as she gulped down another shot.

“I am not sweet! I am death! I AM THE NIGHT!” Gabriel growled. 

“Maybe you actually need to confront your feelings for once in your life!”

“Oh, you’re one to talk!

“Excuse me?!”

“Maybe if you weren’t constantly ignoring that rocket bitch you wouldn’t be so upset at me! Just, just get in her pants. Fuck her.” Gabriel took a shot glass in each hand and downed them both, calling for more right away. 

“I don’t wanna lose my job! Jack would fire me! Fire me! Fired! F-I-E-R-D!” Not only was Angela slurring her words, but she was gesturing violently at Gabriel, or at least at his general area. She took another shot, spilling half of it on her green dress, and stormed off to the restroom. 

 

Genji pulled up to the bar late, having decided to bring Zenyatta with him at the last minute, and gaped as he surveyed the chaotic wasteland around him. 

“What is the occasion for our entrance?” Zenyatta asked.

“A friend of Lena’s is debuting a new liquor….but I have to wonder what’s in it. Everyone seems…incredibly intoxicated. Look at Jesse.” Zenyatta and Genji made their way over to McCree, who was on top of a table, dancing to a country song that had just come on. 

“Y’all, turn the music down, turn the music down! With that honky toooooonk, badonkadonk!” McCree sang, completely off key and out of rhythm. Hanzo staggered over to Genji and tried to grab his shoulder, but missed and grabbed Zenytatta instead. 

“Kareshi wa totemo kireii ga kare wa curezi desu ne, ga aishiteiru, soudesu ne, wakarumasuka? Baka, baka, anata wa wakarimasen,” Hanzo told them, shaking his head. But Genji and Zenyatta headed across the bar as fast as they could go once they saw Angela starting to cry over by the restrooms. 

“Are you alright?” Genji asked. 

“You don’t even know ONE thing I didn’t even say ONE thing and then he asked me the whole thing and I didn’t even do it ONCE!” Angela said through half sobs. Seeing that comforting Angela was futile, Zenyatta looked around to see Lena making out with a redheaded girl. When Lena broke away to breathe, she started to drunkenly talk.

“Look, love, I’m like an elephant. When I walk in, it’s like, okay, she’s in there!” 

Gabriel suddenly staggered over to Genji. “I’m not gonna tell you,” he slurred. “That…that bitch over there.” He pointed to a total stranger. A moment later Fareeha joined them, poking Zenyatta’s head. 

“Baba boop,” she giggled, much to everyone’s amazement. Mei was just laughing at nothing over in a corner, periodically choking on her drink, and at closer examination, Jack was on the middle of the dance floor, wearing Angela’s jewelry and Fareeha’s helmet, which he’d somehow gotten into the bar, dancing wildly around to some hip-hop track that none of them had heard. Zenyatta and Genji looked at each other.

“I believe we should take them home,” Zenyatta said with a grimace.

“I agree,” Genji replied. “Let’s see if we can get them all in my car.”

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my [ blog for writing rants, headcanons, and lots of other fun stuff!](http://kireii-yume.tumblr.com)


End file.
